Book sample 2b

...15 Korean kindergarten children burst into your classroom.  No kindergarten or

English co-teacher to be found.  Immediately, the children commence swinging from

anything they can secure a grip on.  Your classroom resembles a monkey cage at the

local petting zoo, full of hungry, irritable primates.  By some stroke of luck, you manage

to get everyone in a seat and somewhat hold their attention.  You begin to recite the

alphabet when you notice a little boy in the back of the classroom, preoccupied to say

the least.  You stroll casually to the back, trying your best not to alert everyone to

 the problem,and conclude that the blood covering the lower half of his face is the

 culprit.  Now, for the record, you don't care in the least when one of these

 little hemorrhoids is bleeding, but you reason with yourself that if he's determined

 to bleed, it would be better that he do it outside of your classroom.  So you lead him out,

 at arms length of course, to the office where another teacher inquires of the

 aforementioned blood.You should have guessed: he was picking his nose too vigorously.

You return to the classroom to find the remaining children huddled around the

 trash can.  One boy is digging furiously with tears in his little eyes.  You peer in to see what

he's looking for, but see nothing but crumpled paper.  You look again, praying you find

something significant so order can be restored (relatively speaking).  Nothing.  Suddenly

he spies it...a magnet.  Nothing special.  As generic as they come.  But it's his, the one 

he came to class with, and all is well again.  Until you spot two boys in the back of the room,

laughing hysterically.  Boy A is standing behind Boy B.  Boy A has his finger extended

and is poking, nay, jabbing it into Boy B's...ass.  Seriously.  And by the sound

of things, this activity is the most fun either of them has had in a very long time.  You take

another handful of your already thinning hair and pull it out...for the third time today.

Dr. H. Douglas Brown, professor of TESOL at San Francisco State University, author of multiple textbooks, and widely accepted as an authority on the subject, states that "short attention spans come into play when children have to deal with material that to them is useless, boring, or too difficult."  It would necessarily make sense to put me in a classroom with 15 Korean kindergarten children with no interpreter.  The moment Dr. Brown refers to above, at which the children are confronted with material that to them is useless, boring, or too difficult, coincidentally is the same moment I open my mouth.  The children were apparently expected to hear my English, sense and accept the lifelong importance of acquiring the language, mull over future international business dealings, and process the connection with their own language.  I might as well have been teaching the lesson with a series of rhythmically ordered farts.  It would have all sounded the same.

And so naturally, any gathering of competent persons would come to the same conclusion: what could drive a man to such a place?  What awful circumstances would push him to flee his native country, his home of 29 years, for a life of such disorder and absurdity?  I'm glad you asked.