Success?

I was a weird kid. 

I can remember one Christmas afternoon when I was in elementary school building a Lego train station in my bedroom.  I had received the set via Santa Claus.  I don’t remember exactly what triggered my thoughts, but I was struck then and there by the idea that time moves at a speed too quickly to grasp.  Unstoppable.  Fast.  Very fast.  Too fast.

Maybe it was because the train station didn’t take as long as I thought to build.  The fun part of Lego sets is the building, not the finished product.  For me, once the police station, or hospital, or whatever, was constructed, that was it.  Done.  What next?

Or maybe it was because it felt like just 5 minutes ago my brothers and I were waking up early and anxiously waiting in the hallway for our parents to say we could survey the loot.  And now I found myself realizing that it was over, and would have to endure 365 more days before I got to do it again.

Time flies.  Not just when I’m having fun.  Everyday.  I don’t know why this idea took a firm hold of me at such a young age.  But it did.  And I’m happy about it.

As an adult on the cusp of 30 years of existence, I am terribly afraid of wasting time.  I’ve wasted my share.  It depresses me if I think about it too much.  So I find myself constantly (obsessively) evaluating my life every few days.  Have I been active in chasing my dreams?  Has the past year been a success?  Have I grown as a person?  Have I learned anything new?  Have I written that book that I said I would if I could just get to the other side of the world?